Christian Speed Dating Experience + What Does it Mean to be Equally Yoked?

Just before I took off to Canada for a couple of months to work on a TV series called When Hope Calls, I decided at the last minute to go and check out a Christian speed dating night in LA.  And yes, that's right, after missing my family and holding out during a year of complete obliteration of the film industry in LA, my first show back was called 'When Hope Calls.' I could not make that up.

Anyway, I signed up for the Christian speed dating mostly for the experience. I took my friend Colin's advice who told me to "do it for the plot!" It reminded me of a similar sentiment that David Sedaris shared on his Masterclass, which was basically that he felt bad for people who weren't writers, because he wondered what they would be able to do with any of the horrific or embarassing things they had to experience if they couldn't write about them.

I thought that even if I were to walk into a terribly awkward evening, then at least I would have an interesting story to tell. So I kind of went with myself, to go and observe and see what it would be like. To be honest I didn't even go into it thinking that I would meet anyone, even though Edendale, the venue it was being held, did sound like an idyllic place to meet someone. 

The thing is that I've just had this strong feeling since earlier this year that I already know the person I'm meant to be with. It dawned on me that I've already met enough people and I don't have to keep searching for that "something else."

The night turned out to be quite lovely anyway. The bar was very cute and it had a sweet courtyard in the back with little tables set up where the speed dating was to take place. The weather was perfect, as it tends to be in LA, and the ratio of men to women was planned exactly right. I think that is a kind of a feat because for those types of events, women sign up a lot more than men do and the organizers had to put in some work to get it right. 

Before things got going I went to sit at the bar, and the fact that any of us were there in the first place was a great ice-breaker. It seemed so light and silly and fun to me, and it was nice to know that all of us, men and women alike, already had something fundamental in common. I asked them what churches they went to and what the service was like. 

When the event was ready to kick off we gathered in the courtyard and were given name tags, bingo cards, and little strips of paper in case we wanted to exchange numbers with someone we met. Then we were divided into speed dating groups. 

I was in group two, which meant that I had some time, about thirty minutes or so just to "mingle" before it was my turn to get into the speed dating circuit.  That was a kind of a bummer because I hate "mingling." It wasn't so bad though. First I met the industry types, a few actors, so we had that to discuss. And then I found myself in a couple of deeper conversations. 

I will say that it is such a relief to be among a group of people that have some of the same core values that you do. To be unashamed to talk openly about the weird stuff you do. Like worship and spending time with God. There's a baseline of understanding there. I felt a degree of safety that I would not have felt if I was in a group of otherwise strangers. 

The first person that I had a one-on-one conversation with was able to correctly guess my Myers-Briggs personality type - a topic I'm super fascinated by, and we got to talking about psychology and faith and mid-life career changes. For a moment we stood and people watched together and guessed which dates we thought were going well and which weren't. 

Then I found myself in a conversation with someone who, at first glance, seemed like they struggled with addiction. It was how strong he came on and the look in his eyes that gave it away to me because I'm so sensitive to that. Initially he interrupted a conversation I was having with a woman to ask us which squares on his bingo card we could check off. 

Later I came to learn that he was a teacher who loved history and philosophy and literature and we discussed our favourite books. He told me about how he grew up in a dysfunctional family and around addiction. He said that he used to be an atheist and that it was during a time of crisis that bibles kept showing up everywhere he went until he decided to read one. 

Christians aren't perfect (obviously), and I might go as far as to say that people who find Christianity later in life are usually people who've experienced a lot of suffering. That's the point of it, I think. Those are the kinds of people that Jesus ministered to, not the ones who were the highest esteemed in society or who had the best attendance at temple. Jesus met them at their worst, the ones that had been shunned and were ashamed and didn't think that they were worthy of love at all. And in the depths of their desolation he saved them. He saw every part of them and still thought that they were worth dying for. 

We talked about how we both learned how good Jesus was when we started to read the bible. It sounds a bit ridiculous but I really had no idea what the bible was about and it's amazing that it took me to this point in my life to open it up. How could there not be something to glean from a book like that? The book that's still the most circulated book thousands of years after it was written. 

My life's changed since I opened it, and these are the things, I've realized, that I want to be able to share with the person I'm going to spend my life with. To be equally yoked is the idea that the person you're in relationship with should share the same spiritual values as you do. As two animals pulling a plow should be the same so that they can keep on their forward momentum without stumbling or conflict. 

I've tried it all. I tried the way the 'world' wants to date. And time and time again I have for some reason abandoned myself to seem more normal, more likeable. I've been pressured into physical intimacy that I wasn't ready for because I thought that to wait any longer would be unreasonable. And for what? It didn't  work out anyway. I can't imagine that the person whose intentions it were to marry me would be upset that I didn't sleep with them in month 1 or month 2. What would be the rush? 

I'm starting to really see the wisdom in it all. If God and Jesus are the most important part of my life, then I want it to be at the center of my relationship, too. Because I know the ways that God advises me when I go to him, and if I'm with someone who has a similar relationship with God then I can trust the guidance they're getting. 

I did give the Myers-Briggs guy and the Bible guy my number - so sue me, and I gave it to someone that I met during the speed dating round, too. I didn't really imagine myself with any of them. But I left happy. It was a good experience. All of this dating is like a narrowing-down. You learn what you can compromise on and what you can't. What works and what doesn't. 

And as for the speed-dating itself. It was quick and light and fun. It took the pressure off, having only two minutes to see if you had a connection before you were 'saved by the bell.' I am too nice and too awkward to be able to end a conversation that I'm not into otherwise. 

While it was fun I don't think that I'll do it again. I think that when the time is right and when I've learned what I need to learn and I'm ready, God will bring that person into my life. 

#ChristianDating #EquallyYoked #SpeedDating