Can We Say No to Bachelorette Parties?
I'm not sure which part of hell bachelorette parties came from so I decided to look it up.
The first article that surfaced gave me a twinge. It read, "Drinking games, strippers, and phallic party favours. These three things in conjunction are the hallmarks of the modern bachelorette party."
Reading that only deepened my need to want to know why? Why must we do this? I read further and it turned out that while the tradition of the bridal shower has existed since the fifteenth century, the first recorded "bachelor party" happened in the year 1922.
By the 1960s, it said that changing gender norms inspired brides-to-be to exchange their tame bridal showers for their very own version of the raunchy bachelor party, the bachelorette. Into the 1980s it was a chance for brides to celebrate their sexuality, and today it's become part and parcel with modern wedding planning.
Interesting to note that somewhere along the line we exchanged the bridal shower for the bachelorette, meanwhile today we're expected to celebrate both. While we're more spread out than ever before, doing more than ever before and have access to greater opportunities than we ever did before as women, we seem to be tacking on endless expectations to do with celebrating the wedding.
I still think that marriage is maybe the most significant accomplishment in life, that it requires more care, diligence and thoughtfulness than any other achievement and should be celebrated as such. I want to celebrate at the wedding. It gives me hope and it makes me happy. I want even to celebrate the engagement, to have dinners and to make toasts. The shower may be an old fashioned tradition, but I can appreciate that there are old-fashioned people, especially of our parents generation that want to take part in that.
But when you get engaged and send out the engagement party invitation, the bridal shower invitation, the bachelorette invitation, the rehearsal dinner, the breakfast the following day, or even the invitation to a destination wedding, am I the only one who feels that it's a little bit much, especially when you have guests traveling from afar?
By the time the wedding comes around, should we be worried that our guests might be feeling a little bit worn down and broke? Admittedly I've let so much resentment build around the wedding celebrations, the bachelorette party in particular, that I've let it ruin a friendship, which brings me back to my original question, Can we say no to bachelorette parties?
I have a special disdain and I can appreciate that, that I am a particular kind of control freak wanting to be in charge of my schedule, that I'm introverted and hate parties. But I've also lent a listening ear to friends who weren't introverted as they vented about how much they hated all of the wedding shenanigans and expectations. Including from my hair dresser, actors that I've had in my makeup chair, and other family members.
I've listened as they complained about how much money they've spent, how hard it is to coordinate with all these girls on where or when the festivities should take place, since the bachelorette is expected to be taken care of by the bridal party, how much they despise all of the silly games, and all of the dumb pictures the bride wants to take with her little tutu and blow up engagement ring. For me it's the penis shaped candies and pastries, I don't like that at all.
Maybe I could stomach the whole thing better if we just did something nice. How about a nice brunch or a dinner or even a calm weekend trip to spend quality time. That's my own fantasy, but I'm such a firm believer in people not doing things they don't want to do that I'd extend the invite only under the agreement that they RSVP'd if it was something they would find enjoyable.
When I've expressed fears and repugnance about the whole thing to others on the guest list, I've gotten things like "Well I don't want to do it either, but I am."
Good for you, I think, but not really. I have to wonder, and maybe we should all stop and think, is that what the really bride wants? For all of her friends to suffer through it all? Shouldn't we be excited about weddings and not have a feeling of doom come over us when we realize that one of our friends' time might be soon, considering the implications? Bearing the mentality that we can "get through it."
I don't know maybe I'm a prude (actually I know I am). I think I'm too old now. I can think back to a time when I would have really enjoyed all of this. Why don't we leave it to the kids, then? I've gotten to a point in my life where I'm working towards being okay with saying no to things that disagree with me at the soul level. The night clubs, the male strip clubs, painting vaginas as a craft activity, no thank-you. And I'm learning to be okay with the consequences of that. I hope that for you too.
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